EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING

I wanted to like this book. I really and truly did. It portrayed personable people being personable among nice illustrations and some clever framing devices like school assignments on kissing. This was one of the start-reading-and-don't-stop-until-you-finish-kinda-book. Immersing, catchy, has substance and has a tip-top plot.

This Madeline girl, also called Maddy from Nicola Yoon's Everything, Everything book has SCID, which means anything in the outside world can trigger an allergic reaction in her and be fatal. She almost died when she was an infant, at least that's what her mom said.

Maddy is a spunky girl I would say, despite having been confined within the walls of her house all her life. She's homeschooled and her only friends are her mother and her nurse, Carla. She spends most of her time reading and playing games with her mom but she makes the best of her situation, choosing to smile brightly as each day passes by.

Then a boy, Olly, moves into the house next door and Madeline's world flips 360 degrees. He's different from anything she's encountered before and he's bold and positively bursting with constant energy. In the beginning, Olly and Maddy can't even talk to each other face to face, so they got to know each other through IM. When they finally meet, Olly has to stand all the way on the other side of the room so he won't risk contaminating Madeline. This is the tragedy of her disease.

"How can I live the rest of my life in this bubble now that

I know all that I'm missing?"

The plot was uncomplicated to follow and full of genuine emotions. It had a similar vibe to John Green's TFiOS in the way that it was pleasing, sad, and each chapter was brimming with lovely writing. It kept my attention the entire time.

The eventual happy ending is: Yay, Maddy, is not in fact disabled, she just has a weakened immune system from her mother's abuse of keeping her locked in response to her father and brother's traumatic deaths in a car crash. A few years of gentle exposure to diseases and allergens, and she'll be right as rain. (I honestly threw the book when I read that part.) The lovely young couple doesn't have to deal with the work-arounds like filter masks or gloves or pill schedules or signing up for the marrow waiting list. They just need to be extra careful during flu season, while Mom needs some intensive therapy.

"In my head I know I've been in love before, but it doesn't feel

like it. Being in love with you is better than the first time. It feels

like the first time and the last time and the only time all at once."

However, it's a really different (and with different, I mean a GOOD kind of different book.

TIME FOR MIRACLES

There are times in my life when I said to myself, "What the fuck do I know about love, man? I honestly know no shit about it".

But then, about a couple of months ago, something changes my life. I ended up in this one heck of a roller coaster journey that no one else would have understood. At least anyone who knows me in real life.

You know, sometimes you learn more about something from the randomest of strangers.

That is my current case when it comes to love.

Somehow, they made me believe about true love again. On the fact that you can love someone unconditionally. The fact that all we need is love. That the greatest lesson that I have learnt so far throughout the experience, is that, as corny as it may sound, to love and be loved in return, with zero expectations, is a rarity that once one finds it, should be cherished in return.

I cannot believe myself. I just can't believe that I actually root for this. As much as I let my cynical side of me try to balance the airy side of me.

And the whole experience has changed my life. Forever.

ELEANOR & PARK

I'm sitting here staring at this little box wondering what I'm going to write that will do this book justice. Do I need to explain to you what Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell is about? Do you even need to be persuaded that you should read it? And can I even possibly start to write the review that this book deserves? I highly doubt so, but I'm going to try anyway.

The ending was admissible. It was unacceptable and I'm demanding a refund on my emotions, and I know some of you say that it doesn't always have to be a happy ending and shit but I WANTED ONE, OKAY? HELLO? It was supposed to be a cute one about riding the bus and I knew I'll love the book but I did not ask for this!

Eleanor and Park is a love story, obviously, but it is also so much more than that. 

It's cute, and I had seen a lot of people talk about how adorable the story was, and how cute the romance was and it was generally all rainbows (no pun intended!) and unicorns. I started the book expecting it to be cute, understandably, so I wasn't prepared for how down right moving and astonishingly sad it was yet it seems obvious to me now cos Eleanor and Park is bona fide and realistic, right down to the teenage awkwardness and self-awareness that Rowell is known for. 

This book features a toxic household and an abusive stepfather, Richie. As triggering as it was, it was important for me to read about a character going through these things. Being afraid to come home thinking, "will he be in a bad mood?" "will he hit me?" "yell at me?" "demean me?" Running into your room and spending all your time in your room for fear of crossing paths with Richie. That transition from being afraid of arguments between your stepfather and someone else to being able to sleep through them. Going into your room and finding your valuable belongings destroyed- the list is endless and whenever Richie came into a scene, whenever his name was mentioned, I felt such intense rage. I thought of what I'd do in Eleanor's situations and what I would have done in her situations. I kept thinking of how I could help protect her from her stepfather, which is a weird feeling when you realize she's just a fictional character but at the same time, not at all. People go through this all the damn time and it's down right disgusting.

"If you can't save your own life, is it even worth saving?"

This book has good life lessons, it has little giggles and funny one-liners. Relatable characters, real-life thought processes about toxic homes, bullying, love and self-love. 

"What are the chances you'd ever meet someone like that? he 

wondered. Someone you could love forever, someone who would 

forever love you back? And what did you do when that person was

 born half a world away? The math seemed impossible."

I loved the pace of their relationship, the safe havens they built for each other and the healthiness of their romance. It was so exquisite to read about a teenage couple who seem to bring out so much good in each other. So many favored parts- over-shoulder reading and Park slowing down, the brawl in his bedroom, and so many others (but I don't wanna spoil anything).

"It was just that kind of night. Every time she looked at

him, he was looking back at her. Every time she thought

about kissing him, he was already closing his eyes."

Oh, Eleanor. I know almost all of us symphatized with the outcast, but this Eleanor girl, is just beyond amazing, and her life at home, was so visceral. Her fears, too. Her anxiety got to me.

"There's only one of him, she thought, and he's right here. He

knows I'll like a song before I've heard it. He laughs before I 

even got to the punch line. There's a place on his chest, just

below his throat, that makes me want to let him open doors

for me. There's only one of him."

And Park's character is even amusing. One of the infrequent characters who is so truthful and forthright in his thoughts. He thinks he might be one of the more popular kids just because he's the only half-Asian in Omaha and that makes him one of the rare species. And him developing a crush on Eleanor and what he first thought of her and what he thinks of her now.

"And when Eleanor smiled, something broke inside him.

Something always did."

Park and Eleanor's parents were particularly well developed, too, which is impactful, considering the development that went into the main characters. 

This is the novel that you'll read and understand why people love it so much, and even if it's not your cup of tea, it WILL be your cup of tea once you bury yourself in this paperback. This goes down as one of my favourite books of 2016, and Park goes onto my favourite heroes shelf, because he is the best kind of hero. The one who saves his girl against all odds, who fights against the world because of his fondness. 

"Nothing before you counts. And I can't even imagine an after."

When I finished this book, all I could say was "Awww," If you're looking for a relatively light read that's utterly adorable sprinkled with Elvis Costello and Watchmen, then this is for you. Eleanor and Park has been compared to John Green's "The Fault in Our Stars," but fret not, you will NOT bawl your eyes out reading this. You may, however, be sighing throughout the whole freaking book.

Oh god, I can't believe it took me this long to read Eleanor & Park.

And man, I still want to know what those three words are, dammit!

MILK AND HONEY

"i have

what i have

and i am happy

i've lost

what i've lost

and i am

still

happy"

If I could describe this book in only three words, it would be dreamlike, rough and bittersweet. I'm going to be honest, the only reason I picked this book was because I didn't have anything else to read (not that I already have 20 books on my shelf, but I just thought I needed a book that I could grab while I'm in the midst of reading a 400 page novel). I briefly read the summary, skimmed the reviews and decided to jumped onto the bandwagon.

When I read the first few pages of this book, I felt nothing less than burdened and a feeling of guilt. No, it's not the kind of guilty you feel when you accidentally break your mom's Corelle dinnerware set, or when you steal something from your best friend- but the kind of feeling you get when someone has entrusted you with the most vulnerable pieces of them. This book has been eulogized and has received critical acclaim, and let me tell you, this book is definitely worth it.

Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur tore through my methodical(?) mind and burrowed deep into my ultra sensitive soul. It slayed all my emotions, my feminist desires, and my love for vulnerable writing. I may not know a lot about poetry, but I do know a decent amount about feelings, and Rupi Kaur brought all my emotions tumbling out with this awe-inspiring collection of poems.

Written in short poems and prose, this book is about Kaur's journey, from her rough, hollowing adolescence to the beginning of her adulthood, as she forms her own piece of mind. Divided into 4 sections, each one having a different message to convey, a different story to tell, in spare yet thorough language, she addresses what it feels like to be broken, to be loved and to be stronger on one's own.

The modus operandi is minimalist yet confrontational. Figurative language is copious and Kaur uses the perfect mixture of implicit and explicit descriptions to reveal the most fragile parts of her. To be simply put, this isn't a book meant to be loved or raved about. It is just meant to be read. Reading through the reviews of this book and I feel as if the people giving it two stars or so went in expecting it to ravish them, thrill them but it was not meant for that. Like why would you seek something so much more from a book that was written so truthfully, with feelings so raw that the hurt and the bitterness and the sorrows behind the words will never dull?

"if you were born with

the weakness to fall

you were born with

the strength to rise"

I am so moved by this. These were words she had woven out for herself and now we are given the chance to read them and take them to our hearts, too. This was her story. She isn't asking for you to judge if it's "exhilarating" enough cos it's not a fiction meant to be evaluated. Life isn't always "okay and now what?". Sometimes you can get stuck before you even try to move on. This book itself is not a cry for help, or a way to get sympathy, but a way to get someone to listen. And to learn.

If you only read one book of poetry during your lifetime, it needs to be this one.

ANYTHING GREEN, NO THANK YOU

"Nasi goreng kampung taknak sayur"

"Mee hoon sup taknak dressing sayur sayur atas tu"

"Char kuey teow takmo sayur tapi tauge boleh"

"Vegetarian lasagna without the veges, please"

Ok the last one was a joke.

But seriously, when you hear all these requests, you would turn around expecting a 5-year-old little kid. But no, it's just me, guys. A 20-year-old adult who til this day, scrunches up her face at the mention of vegetables. Wow, it seems even worse reading that sentence even though I already know it.

Growing up, my parents (my sisters even) forced all sorts of vegetables down my throat. But I was always naughty and somehow sneakily wriggled my way out of it. I remember, in a seafood restaurant once when I was around ten, my mom would put a broccoli on my plate, in front of everyone, and gave me a you-better-eat-that-tree look.When she wasn't looking, I would quickly shove the broccoli under the table leaving it to drop on the floor. She would be so happy to see me finish it, that she would put another on the plate. When she didn't look, I dropped it again. We left that place that night and til this day, I feel like apologizing to the abang or kakak who had to pick up my four broccolis on the floor. If I had money then, I would probably tip them my school pocket money.

My parents, they tried all sorts of ways to get not only me but Aye and Abang as well to eat vegetable but we just somehow had already set in our minds a big NO. They even resorted to bribing motivating us with things like ice creams and gula gula. Being the ahem good negotiator I am (got it from my momma!), I managed to walk out of that day without even touching any vegetables and with ice creams in the freezer. Oh how I did it? Even I myself don't know how I managed to do that, let alone my parents!

Why don't I like vege? I have no idea! I'm just not used to it, and I've lived my life so easy and simple without it all these years without having severe skin problems or bowel complications. I don't like the texture, I don't like the taste, I don't like those batangs attached to them kangkung, bayam, whatsoever, I just don't like how it changes how my food tastes. I tried eating it though (and so far I've succeeded with kubis. Mom's kubis masak lemak is the bomb!) but my body just rejects any other vege because I just puke them all out immediately.

I remember when I was eleven, coming back from school, Angah would have cooked for us amazing dishes until I saw kacang panjang. That bloody thing, is my weakness I tell you! Just by the thought of having it in my mouth, I could puke in a split second. And she, being the good sister she is, would scooped out a few spoons and put it on my plate, sits there, in front of me, throughout the whole what seems like forever, being all smiley smiley, wait for me til I shove it all into my mouth.

Now guess what guys! At least now I take vege.. in the form of cold-pressed juice. I hold my breath each time though, constantly reminding myself no one has ever died from eating vegetables. Juice, I find, is not so bad. But chewing the actual carrots, spinach, etc, ohhhh I cringe.

You know you hate it when your parents say "Tunggu nanti anak anak awak tak sihat tak makan sayur, baru awak tau!" Sokay mom, I'll make sure I get a husband who eats everything. (Brilliant dealmaker right there, no?)

Anyway, a couple of months ago I got Karen Le Billon's "French Kids Eat Everything" book for only RM 15.00 (Steal!) in the hope of changing my eating habit. I honestly hope the book will open my eyes and my mouth too.

Wish me luck!